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Grief Process

Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of something or someone you love and value deeply. Usually, the first thing that comes to our mind is the death of a loved one, but there are other reasons such as leaving a job, bankruptcy, health problems, divorce, separation from a lover, loss of a pet, etc. We also grieve over negative events we have experienced. Although many people associate grief only as an emotional reaction to loss, grief is also a challenging process that affects every aspect of our lives.

If you have also experienced a loss, it is normal to have questions and wonder what awaits you as you go through the grieving process and stages. You may wonder why you have certain emotions or vice versa, why you do not experience certain emotions and whether your thoughts and feelings are normal. Ask yourself, “Is this how I should feel?”, “Why aren't others as impressed as I am?” or “What am I supposed to feel at this point?” You can ask questions like While bereavement is a highly personal experience, reactions to the law also vary from person to person; While some of us openly express their reaction, some of us hide it inside. Because our ability to cope with this situation, experience and whatever we have lost vary according to the importance it carries in our lives and the meaning we attach to it. In the mourning process, we may feel the pain, unhappiness, grief, emptiness, and the deep sadness that we will not return after the loss, and we may think that it will not end. Feelings such as crying, anger, anger, falling into emptiness after the loss are the most natural reactions that can be given in this process. It is not uncommon for people to experience physical symptoms from grief such as headaches, loss of appetite or sleep disturbances. The good news is that such symptoms, although very intense at first, tend to subside.

Grief is a personal journey, but it is a time-consuming process. Learning and understanding the stages of this process can be the beginning of understanding that the situation you are in is not the end of the journey, but a part of the journey. Give yourself time through the stages. But if you think there is anything that is having a significant impact on your life, remember that getting help is always an option.


We talked about the stages of grief. So what are they?

Swiss psychiatrist Kübler-Ross's book "On Death and Dying", which was published in 1969 and deals with which emotional stages patients diagnosed with death go through, includes 5 stages of grief. However, although Kübler-Ross devoted a chapter to each of these five titles in his book, the process was not just a phase; there were about 10-13 more stages such as shock, preparation, hope. According to the Kübler-Ross model, the grieving process consists of the following stages:

Denial: "No, it's not me, that can't be true"

Anger: “Why me?”

Bargaining: efforts to delay death through "good manners"

Depression: The process of reacting to illness and preparing for death

Acceptance: “The last stop on the long road”

Shock and denial are the first stage of grief, typically the stage where emotions are at their deepest. While it is obvious that you have experienced a loss, there may be accompanying feelings of shock or rejection. During this stage, many people experience physical symptoms such as nausea or vomiting, difficulty sleeping, decreased appetite, or heart palpitations. It's also common to feel "numb" emotionally. Some people may describe this stage as feeling like "watching someone else's life from a movie screen".

At this stage, it is quite possible for people to experience feelings of anger or frustration. Some people may feel angry with someone who caused the loss. (For example, a drunk driver) Others may have feelings of higher power or anger toward God for not being able to prevent the loss. Others, on the other hand, may feel anger towards their loved ones and blame that person for thinking they have abandoned them. After this time, some grieving people may try to negotiate to have a chance to end things differently. The reality of the loss may be felt more at this stage as attempts to bargain for more time do not occur. In the depressive stage of bereavement, the grieving person often begins to think about the loss and how it has affected their life. Withdrawing from others just to deal with feelings of grief is common at this stage. While personal time is important, it's also important to have a support system they can rely on at this stage of grief. Research shows that therapy can help relieve depressive symptoms. Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process. Accepting a loss does not simply mean "getting over it". Rather, it is a process and part of mourning where you can accept your loss and feel good as you move on with your life and make sense of what the new normal is for you. At this stage, you will find that it is easier to talk about the loss you have experienced during the grieving process than before. While there may be moments of sadness or regret, this stage typically represents the ability to accept what happened and reflect on the good times, rather than sad thoughts about the loss.

Bu süreçte kimse ne yaşadığınızı anlamıyormuş gibi hissetmek veya keder hakkında konuşma konusunda rahat hissetmemek genellikle sosyal izolasyona yol açabilir. Biraz yalnız kalmak iyi olsa da etkileşimde bulunacağınız insanlardan oluşan bir destek sistemine sahip olmak da bir o kadar önemlidir.

What to do?

Sharing and telling our loss with others, paying attention to eating patterns and arranging our sleep will make us feel better physically and mentally. This; Of course, it does not mean that we will forget, love or remember our loss. The more we share our loss, our pain and the more we remember it, the easier it will be for us to accept and internalize the situation. In order for the person to continue his life in a normal and healthy way, he needs to mourn and complete this process. In addition, the stages of grief can progress differently for everyone. You may spend only a few days in denial, while in other phases you may stay for weeks. While someone else is spending a lot of time there, it may not go through the bargaining stage. There is no right or wrong way and no timeline to grieve. However, recovering from this pain can be extremely difficult to do on your own. Of course, getting professional help can make a big difference in your life and recovery.

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